I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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