Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
