Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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