Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
