you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Less talking, more tequila
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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