theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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