It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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