At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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