So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize