my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
