the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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