There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
