you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
