it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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