i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
