i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
