I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize