Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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