I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
