she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
