so explain again why im purple
no
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize