There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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