4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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