So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
