how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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