so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
