ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
