Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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