She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and she was petting her beer can
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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