saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
