I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
