I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
