College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
