I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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