Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
