My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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