you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
