CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am naked and annoyed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
