So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
