I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
