It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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