You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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