need another drink. this is the easiest way
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
