I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
