Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
