return my video game
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
