I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
