well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
