was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i drank out of a bidet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
