my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
