I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
