Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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