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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
