He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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