I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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