I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
