SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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