it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
