how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
