How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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