I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
