M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
