FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize