I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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