you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
