my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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